akatsuki super fun time variety hour
by wewacian
Summary: it's exactly like naruto if kishimoto was doing more heroine....
1. Chapter 1

dont own naruto, and chances are never will. 

ZetsuB: zetsu's other personality

-----The Akastuki's super happy fun time variety hour---

Pein: -yawns, and turns page of magazine- wonder if they caught that crazy kyuubi yet...

Konan: probably not...they're all dieing

Pein: yeah...maybe we should start interviewing for new guys

Konan: yeah, maybe.

awkward silence

Pein: so how was your day?

Konan: pretty good...pretty good...

Pein: mine to.

Konan: so what now?

Pein: well...we could alw-

itachi comes bursting through the wall, wresting with sasuke Itachi: YOU LACK HATRED BITCH! Fire Release! Great Fireball Technique!

Sasuke: GET A NEW ONE LINER!

Pein: itachi just use your eyes

Itachi: oh, thanks pein, i never thought of using my eyes, which i constantly have activated.

Pein:...ass

Sasuke: die! -stabs at itachi-

Itachi: -dodges and kicks him through another wall-

Pein: do you really have to fight him here? -flips page-

Itachi: well...no...but it's kinda fun.

Konan: need any help?

Itachi: nah, im good.

meanwhile in the other room

Sasuke: wonder what they're doing in there...and where the hell i am for that matter.

Kisame: who dares disturb my slumber

Sasuke: -slowly turns to face him-

Kisame: -glares-

Sasuke: oh,good. it's just you.

Kisame: what? just me? im kisame hoshigi! one of the seven mist swordsman

Sasuke: blah blah blah, been there done that

Kisame: what?

Sasuke: yeah, like 3 years ago i fought one of you guys.

Kisame:...was it Richard?

Sasuke: Richard? that's kind of a weird name for a swordsman

Kisame: well...he isnt from our country so he has a weird name like that

Sasuke: and no, it was Zabuza

Kisame: oh, that guy...yeah, i can see him being killed. He was one of the weaker ones.

Sasuke: oh, and suigetsu stole his sword

Kisame: you know suigetsu?

Sasuke: ye- wait how do you know him?

Kisame: oh, i was invited over to Zabuza's for a sewing thing with the rest of the swordsmen and that kid followed him.

Sasuke: oh, yeah i guess i can see that...wait, sewing?

Kisame: yeah, he started a sewing circle for some reason.

Sasuke:...never pictured him as a sewing kinda guy. -sits down at table-

Kisame: yeah, we didnt either but then we got this letter about the sewing thing and...

Sasuke: yeah, i think i know what happened.

Kisame: you know that Zabuza went into a blind rage over oragami?

Sasuke: oh...thought it would be about sandwhiches.

Kisame: sandwhiches, now that's just silly. -sits down at opposite end of table- tea?

Sasuke: oh, thank you darling. sips from tiny tea cup

meanwhile in The Wizzizzoods(rap for woods)

Naruto:...why do i feel embarassed to be chasing for sasuke all of the sudden...

back in Pein's room

Itachi: so then i says to Mable I says...

Pein: woah, wait. should'nt you be fighting Sasuke?

Itachi: who?

Pein: your br...forget it...

Itachi: ok...so what was i supposed to be doing agian?

Pein: huh? oh, catching the kyuubi.

Itachi: right...right...

Naruto: -crashes through the wall- WHERE ARE YOU SASUKE YOU COWAAAAARD!?!!?!?! -kicks Gaara in Itachi's face-

Itachi: ahh! Gaara! it's in my eyes!

Gaara: it? i have a name you know...

Itachi: oh. 1000 pardons for knowing the name of the human that's coating my face.

Gaara: yeah. whatever...(jerk)

Pein: I hate to inturupt but HOW THE F DOES EVERYONE KNOW WHERE OUR HIDEOUT IS!??!

Naruto: oh, Orochimaru put up signs.

Pein: shucks, i knew we should've kept him

Itachi: but what about all those orphans of powerful clans he kept bringing here?

Pein: yeah..that was a bit creepy...

Deidara: and those loud experiments he did with sasori.

Zetsu: yeah, and what about when he hit puberty last year and started humping everything?

ZetsuB: yeah, especially me.

Zetsu: what?! you whore!

ZetsuB: you know you loved it!

Zetsu: I hate you! I HATE YOU! I WISH MOM NEVER REMARRIED! YOU'LL NEVER REPLACE ME DAD!

ZetsuB: wait, come back! it's not like that!

Zetsu: -tries to storm off-

ZetsuB:...oh right...we're the same person...

Zetsu: and you arent the person who married my mom...or are you?

ZetsuB: dude, that's gross

Zetsu: so's your face.

ZetsuB:...-slaps- never make that joke again

Zetsu: yes sir...

ZetsuB: now come over here and give daddy some sugar

Zetsu: -starts kissing zetsuB-

ZetsuB: -rapes-

Zetsu: NOOOOO! NOT LIKE THIS! NOT! LIKE! THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!

Deidara:...so anyway...back to...why...orochimaru...-molests self-

Pein: deidara, go to your room to do that!

Deidara: STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! YOU ARENT MY REAL DAD!

Pein: IM NOT YOUR DAD AT ALL! NOW GO TAKE A TIME OUT!

Deidara: FINE!

Pein: -goes back to reading-

Deidara:...-slowly starts molesting self again-

Pein: hey! none of that!

Deidara: you're no fun!

Pein: and you're a slut!

Deidara: shut up! you cant control me!

Pein: auuugh! get outta here!

Kisame:...am i interupting something?

Pein: yes

Kisame:...well i've got this uh...sasuke kid and he wont leave me alone...what do i do?

Pein:...sasuke...uchiha?

Kisame: i didnt get his last name but that sounds right.

Konan: isnt the kyuubi looking for sasuke?

Pein: where do you find your information?

Konan: -hides naruto manga-

Sasuke: -pokes head in room- kisame? where are youuuuuu?

Itachi: -crashes through wall- I know that voice...

Sasuke:...itachi...

Itachi: Richard...the legendary 4th swordsman of the mist...

Sasuke: no! it's me, you're brother!

Itachi: who?

Sasuke:...sasuke.

Itachi:...uh...

_will_ itachi remember his brother he was fighting earlier that day?

_why_ was he driving a car?

_what_ was i thinking making this chapter so short?

find out next time.


	2. Chapter 2

Deidara: slut! -slap-

Konan: whore! -slap-

Deidara: slut! -slap-

Konan: whore! -slap-

Deidara: slut! -slap-

Konan: whore! -slap-

Deidara: slut! -slap-

Konan: whore! -slap-

Pein: ladies please this is getting us nowhere

Deidara: ...im a man...

Pein: of course you are!

...now

Deidara: what was that?

Pein: nothing...

Tobi: -slaps cake out of itachi's hand-

Itachi: -cries-

Hidan: what the is ing going the on  
in here it!...!

Tobi: nuffing

Hidan:...-slaps-

Tobi: what was that for?

Hidan: for being an idiot

Tobi: ok!

Kakuzu: -tentacle rapes kisame's sword-

Samehada: D:...:D

Kisame: me sword!

Samehada: dont bother me

Kisame: SLUT!

Kakashi: also im here.

Kisame: -storms off into another room-

another room

Sasuke: where'd you go?

Kisame: someone's raping my sword...AGAIN

Sasuke: -cough- r-really? raping a sword...odd thing to do...

Kisame: quite

Sasuke: hmm...mmmyes

Kisame: indeed

Sasuke: yes indeed

Kisame: indeed quite

Sasuke: quite yes indeed hmm

Kisame: that's enough of that.

Sasuke: yes indeed quite yes indeed

Kisame: -slaps-

Sasuke: -drops cake- MUH CAKE!

Kisame: it was probably undelicious!

Sasuke: it was for your birfday

Kisame: y-you remembered?

Sasuke: well duh, how could i forget silly buns.

Kisame:...so who'd you invite?

Sasuke: uh...you know...

tree stump: -kicks down the door-

Kakashi: bum bum buuuuuuum

Kisame: gasp!

--elsewhere--

Sasori: -punches out a window then hops through it-

Deidara: that seemed unnecessary.

Sasori: so did leaving me out in the woods and not getting me my extra heart! you fat slut!

Deidara: excuse me?

Sasori: RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE! -shoots flamethrower at deidara-

Deidara: -dodges and it hits the gasoline and propane tanks-

Sasori: oh shi-!

Gas and propane tanks: D: -asplode-

Deidara: wow...that was cool...

Sasori: totes. erm, i mean...it should last longer...and...art...puppet...

Kankurou: SUM1 SEI PUP3T?!!?! I IZA PUP3T MSTR

Sasori: GTFO!

Kankurou: N0T NTL JOO C MI L33T SKLZ

Sasori:...-stabs-

Kankurou: OMG HAX! -dies-

Zetsu: -walks in with maid outfit on- oh god damn it!

ZetsuB: i dont get paid enough to keep cleaning up after you assholes!

Sasori: -stands in front of gaping hole where the explosion happened-

Zetsu:...just how stupid do you think i am sasori?

Sasori:...very?

Zetsu: you'd be right, now let's get all kinds uh up outta here, bizzizzitch

Sasori: lol, k

Zetsu: i wasnt talking to you!

ZetsuB: ok, but only if I can drive!

Zetsu: you dont even have a liscence!

ZetsuB: we're evil plant men, who's going to stop us?

Zetsu: you're right

car: -crashes through the ceiling-

Tobi: -gets out of car- i picked up the laundry!

Zetsu: such a good boy.

ZetsuB: yeah, he always has things here right when we need them...

other people: -stare-

ZetsuB: uh! i mean! disagreeing statement!

other people: phew

ZetsuB: i never get to be myself around these people...cries on the inside

Zetsu: HEY! EVERYONE! HE'S CRYING ON THE INSIDE!

everyone: lolz

ZetsuB: SHUT UP! OMG!

Zetsu: -gets in the car-

ZetsuB: -cries and eats some chocolate(coated human)-

Tobi: pansy

Kankurou: r3z plz

Sasori: shut up! -kicks kidneys-

banana: ...-bananas-

Deidara: caught you banana!

banana: damn it! -jetpacks outta there-

Deidara: ill get you next time gadget! next tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!!! -flips chair around and strokes clay bird-

---with sasuke----

Sasuke:...wait a second...my...uchiha senses...TINGLING!

Tobi: was goin on in har guys?

Sasuke:...nothing...ITACHI!

Tobi: wah?

Kisame: Itachi? where? does he need to go to the bathroom again?

Sasuke: RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE! -shoots flamethrower at tobi-

Tobi: AHHHHH! -catches on fire-

Deidara: STOP CATCHING ON FIRE! HM! -strangles tobi-

Tobi: auuughghghashsrnjansdnaah

Sasuke:...wait a second...itachi doesnt wear a mask...or use j's...my bad random stranger who's ttly not an uchiha at all.

Tobi: but...tobi-strangled again-

Deidara: I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE OF YOUR LIES! UN!

Tobi: i thought you said hm!

Deidara: dont question me! hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Tobi: you're straining my already diminished mental stability!

Deidara: pff, what's it gunna do?make you go evil?

Tobi: mayb-boot to the head- ahh! what was that fo-boot to the head-

Deidara: stop questioning me!

Tobi: I-boot to the head

Deidara:...hm

Tobi: m-boot to the head-

Kisame:...could you guys...you know...maybe...GET THE OUTTA MY ROOM?!?!

Deidara: alright fine. i'll leave. - walks out the door-

meanwhile, outside the door

Deidara: -hit by a car-

ZetsuB: shit! shit! shit! back up! back up!

elsewhere in the woods

Gaara: more tea miss prissy princesspants?

Haku:...this is so degrading...

Gaara: ahem.

Haku:...alright fine, i'll take some tea.

Gaara: -pours tea- so...i heard you were an orphan...-slides closer- what a coincidence...

Temari: ahem.

Gaara:...you're more like a friend

Temari: D: but im your sister!

Gaara: leik, ttly as if!

Temari: im telling papa on you!

Gaara: he's dead!

Temari: you're dead!

Gaara: just get outta here

meanwhile, at deidara's funeral

Pein: -in preist clothes- though we do not know what killed him...we can only assume it was sasuke...GET HIM!

Sasuke: ..

Itachi: yeah! kick his ass!  
Tobi: heyall yeah!  
Kisame: yeah!  
Zetsu: i wish i knew who killed him!  
ZetsuB: it totally wasnt us!  
Konan: yeah! i love killing uchihas!  
Itachi:...you to?  
Konan: o: -makes out with itachi-  
Itachi: woah woah there...im not that desperate -slapped out a window-

Sasuke: -escaped a long time ago-

Deidara: im not dead! un! - knocks on coffin-

in other news

Sakura: sho then da bitch juss walked ou ouwah villash! like that!

Stumpette:

Sakura: sho...joo come har offen?

Stumpette: -blush- 


End file.
